Sex. (Or, Psst… Hey, Christian Parents!)

News flash: it’s OK to talk to your kids about sex.    Link up to the ABC's

I’m taking on a topic that’s far too big for li’l ol’ me to handle. I know that. But I went to the doctor the other day and now I’m mad. See, I was struck by the fact that there are entire industries built on the assumption that everyone will be sexually active outside of marriage.

That assumption is so pervasive that parents don’t even question it. We worry about our kids and want what’s best for them. But the lessons they learn are about preventing cancer, developing healthy attitudes, waiting until they’re “ready”, and being in a “safe” relationship. What we teach gets watered down to simply helping them avoid bad consequences and complications. The root of the issue is never even considered.

I propose a different approach. Sexuality is better than that. It’s so good that, as parents, we need to be ready to talk about it with our kids of every age. And we need to give them better reasons to keep sexual love within marriage than just avoiding potential diseases or having children before they are ready to raise them in a faithful home.

Instead, we can teach them that God designed sexual expressions of love to be part of the covenant of marriage. It’s meant to be treasured. It’s meant to be enjoyed completely, with no worries about consequences. When we teach our children about God’s plan for human sexuality, we are giving them ways to show their faith in Christ in action.

If you’re looking for some books to help you start the conversation, I recommend the Learning About Sex series from Concordia Publishing House. There are books for every age from preschool to adult, with age-appropriate information. We’ve found these books to be very helpful in our family. They’re a great way to get the conversation started, and to keep it going through each child’s growing-up years.

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About Heidi

I'm a pastor's wife, striving to live generously. I'm also a homeschooling, gardening, knitting, cooking, reading mom.
This entry was posted in Christ, Homeschool, lutheran, parenting and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Sex. (Or, Psst… Hey, Christian Parents!)

  1. “See, I was struck by the fact that there are entire industries built on the assumption that everyone will be sexually active outside of marriage.”

    It’s less an assumption, and more a fact based on statistics. The vast majority of people will be sexually active outside of marriage.

    • Heidi says:

      True. And thanks for clarifying. My point, though, is that those statistics are SO taken for granted that people often can’t even imagine that there is an alternative. Regardless of statistics, sexual activity is usually a choice… not a foregone conclusion.

      • “Regardless of statistics, sexual activity is usually a choice… not a foregone conclusion.”

        Agreed. But I always thought that one should hope for the best but plan for the worst.

        Definitely tell children that the only way to 100% guarantee that they won’t have an unwanted pregnancy or get an STD is to be abstinent, because that is true. But also bring up the fact that, if they choose not to be abstinent (and many, statistically, do not) here are some things they can do to keep themselves as safe as possible.

  2. Dawn says:

    I haven’t read that book series, but I always see them in catalogs. We’ve always had an open dialogue with our kids about sex, from the time our oldest son first asked (at the age of 7) “I know the man has sperm and the lady has eggs, but how do they get together?” to now, with kids ranging from 9 on up to almost 24, grandbabies, and that son is 20 and in his first serious dating relationship. He just kissed a girl for the first time and it was sweet and innocent and they are falling in love. We are so enjoying watching them! They wouldn’t have been able to go this route, though, had we not been open and honest about sex. We initiate conversations with our kids on the subject, as well as remain open to answer anything they ask. You have to! Parents can’t hide their heads in the sand and just “protect their kids” and expect it to just work out. There are too many forces working against that. Be proactive!

    AWESOME post Heidi!!

    • Heidi says:

      “We are so enjoying watching them!” — I’ve enjoyed every stage of parenting, but that’s one I’m REALLY looking forward to. How fun!

  3. Kim says:

    Thank you for starting this “little” topic. We practice an open communication about it too here as much as we can. I recently took my teenager in to a new doctor and got “the speech” about what the majority of the teenager population finds themselves tempted by….. You are right, as a family, and parents we do have much power in properly educating our children on what the Bible teaches about it. Just because the habits “of the world” are around us, doesn’t mean we can’t choose not to follow the crowd.
    Thank you for the referral for a good book series to get from CPH.

    • Heidi says:

      Not following the world is a huge part of it for me. Having a faithful marriage (and teaching our children to expect that for themselves) is a vital witness to the world.

  4. Amber says:

    We have open communication here, too. We don’t have that series, but we have another one called “God’s Design for Sex.” It’s a good one, too. =) Christianbook has them: http://www.christianbook.com/gods-design-for-sex-books-revised/stan-jones/pd/060130?item_code=WW&netp_id=458252&event=ESRCQ&view=details

    I know we can’t act like ostriches and not teach our kids about the consequences, but like you, I don’t see the benefit it phrasing it like, “ok, one day you’re going to do this, so when you do…” Where’s the good in that?? I think we need to tell our kids that we believe the best in them, we hope for good for them, that we have their best interests at heart — even if/when they mess up (regardless of whether you’re talking about grades, sex or whatever.) They need us in their corner, not telling them they’re destined to fail so why bother. Right?

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